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FirstsThis week we're taking a look at first things, early things, and\u2014for better or worse\u2014things that are #1. <\/p>\nFirstsThis week we're taking a look at first things, early things, and\u2014for better or worse\u2014things that are #1. <\/p>\n
The world is filled with amazing technologies, many that are so old we don\u2019t even think of them as technologies at all.
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Today, we present the definitive list of every important technology ever, ranked by their importance. These aren\u2019t all necessarily good technologies, of course. There are plenty that have made the world a more miserable place for everybody. But they\u2019re still on the list.<\/p>\n
If you have any opinion about the fact that this list may be omitting an extremely vital technology, you would be wrong. This list is both correct and definitive and cannot be changed. And you\u2019re wrong.<\/p>\n
Are you one of those chumps still milking a cow by hand? An extremely primitive automated cow milker was invented around 1860, but the contraption would see many iterations through the 1920s and \u201860s as the rise of futuristic \u201cfactory farms<\/a>\u201d (not yet a dirty word) would become the norm.<\/p>\n The humble screw thread was invented sometime around 400 BC. And while we may only think of its applications in modern construction today, it radically changed everything from irrigation (the turning of large screws can raise water very efficiently) to food production (some of the first screws were used to press olive oils<\/a>).<\/p>\n Images from early video cameras looked like shit. But once they became mainstream and commercialized, the modern video camera changed the way that people captured the world around them, and eventually the way that we saw ourselves.<\/p>\n All things considered, the surgeon\u2019s scalpel is a pretty important invention in the history of humankind. Maybe not as vital as anesthesia, which it should be noted was invented way later, but important nonetheless.<\/p>\n Sure, the flashlight is predated by thousands of years by the simple torch. But I\u2019d rather not grab a torch after dropping my Apple TV remote behind the goddamn couch again. Why does that thing suck so much? The Apple TV remote, not the flashlight.<\/p>\n Some people are old enough to remember the various home video format wars of the 1980s (remember Betamax?) and the later ones involving Blu-Ray and HD-DVD. But the VHS tape was an entire new world for home movie watching.<\/p>\n As I wrote many years ago for the Atlantic<\/a>, VHS was a medium that could wear out from too much love, as I did of a VHS tape of Michael Jackson in Captain EO when I was a kid. But for all its imperfections, it brought Hollywood blockbusters (to say nothing of porn) into our living rooms.<\/p>\n There\u2019s nothing that sounds cooler on this Earth than an electric guitar. That\u2019s just science. Or, at least, the science of cool.<\/p>\n The electric guitar made rock and roll possible. And while it seems tremendously 20th century-centric to praise rock and roll, it really was one of the most important music movements of all time.<\/p>\n A distorted electric guitar still has the ability to sound fresh and unnerving after all these years<\/a>. And I wonder if that feeling will ever go away.<\/p>\n Smoke \u2018em if you got \u2018em.<\/p>\n Much like the electric guitar, the microphone has transformed music in more ways than we can possibly imagine. But obviously it\u2019s not just for music. You know who else stood in front of microphones besides David Bowie? Hitler.<\/p>\n Escalators are just neat, okay? They\u2019re not sexy, they\u2019re not highly advanced, but when they were first invented in the 1890s, people would travel from far and wide to see them. <\/p>\n Walkie talkies weren\u2019t just playthings for 1980s kids in countless movies. They were invented for very serious business\u2014namely, the business of killing people<\/a>.<\/p>\n Alcohol is poison. Quiet literally. But humans love poisoning themselves, and with good reason. It feels damn good.<\/p>\n Whiskey, much like wine and beer, has contributed great things to the creative aspects of civilization. And it has also ruined lives. Good job, whiskey still.<\/p>\n The automatic dishwasher may seem like a silly extravagance, and it really is in many ways, but it\u2019s getting a place on this list for its unfulfilled promise as much as its direct impact on society. The dishwasher represents the failures of the push-button society<\/a>. And for that failure we salute it.<\/p>\n Much like the dish-washing machine, CRISPR is on our list for both its potential and the fact that it\u2019s a technology that hasn\u2019t yet delivered. MIT Technology Review even put CRISPR on its year-end list of \u201cthe biggest technology failures of 2018<\/a>\u201d and it\u2019ll likely stay on those lists and remain a symbol of unfulfilled futuristic promises for some time to come.<\/p>\n Sure, it\u2019s weird to think about. But the 20th century would\u2019ve been a very different timeline without the theatrics of the electric chair<\/a>.<\/p>\n There are a number of different things that those of us in the 21st century have a difficult time imagining. What was it like before artificial light? What was it like before the airplane? But perhaps nothing compares to the question, \u201cWhat was it like before anesthesia?\u201d The answer? Very unpleasant.<\/p>\n Anesthesia was first invented in 1846, provided you don\u2019t count smoking old-fashioned opium as a form of anesthesia which dates back to 4000 BC. But today, it\u2019s standard for medical procedures the world over.<\/p>\n Yes, anesthesia is still imperfect, and there are plenty of horror stories that you can find online. People have been left completely awake during surgery. And while people of the 22nd century will view our medical techniques as barbaric (provided society moves in the right direction and doesn\u2019t go backward), at least we live in a time with anesthesia. Put me under for a paper cut, as far as I\u2019m concerned.<\/p>\n It may not have been quite as revolutionary as the invention of recorded music in the 19th century, but the MP3 still deserves a place on any list of important inventions. Taking thousands of songs with you on a tiny device was the stuff of science fiction within my lifetime. Now, it\u2019s nothing at all.<\/p>\n Contact lenses can be a horror show<\/a>, but they\u2019re actually pretty clever pieces of technology. For me, they were the things that allowed me to participate in sports when I was a kid without my fucking glasses (which I acquired at the ripe old age of 9) getting in the way. Yeah, I know plenty of nerds like myself swore by rec-specs<\/a>. But c\u2019mon. Contacts are the way to go.<\/p>\n Do you remember the first time you saw a DVD? For film nerds, it was like a revelation, not only because the audio and visual quality was simply great. DVD more than any other technology made widescreen movie formats (as opposed to pan-and-scan<\/a> transfers) the norm for home viewing. With DVDs you could finally see the whole movie, not just a third of it.<\/p>\n Microwaves are good. Fight me.<\/p>\n Modern Americans eat a lot of corn, even when they don\u2019t think they are. It\u2019s in soda, chips, cereal, and even fish. It\u2019s everywhere, and it looked a lot different a few thousand years ago. Back then, it had just a few kernels<\/a> on a cob. But it was \u201cinvented\u201d to be what we know today\u2014a food that\u2019s literally killing us.<\/p>\n If we step back and examine all of human technological history, the mobile phone is incredibly new. But it\u2019s proving to be one of the most important inventions of our era. And not necessarily for the better, when we consider the applications we\u2019re staring at on our smartphones all day: Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, and Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg\u2019s Facebook has been used to facilitate genocide. So maybe we should take a break with the phones<\/a> and figure out what the fuck is going on. <\/p>\n The first mechanical computer used to be largely credited to Charles Babbage\u2019s Difference Engine in 1822. But thanks to the discovery of the Antikythera mechanism<\/a> from around 100 BC, we now know that mechanical computers have been around for a lot longer. And that makes any fan of \u201chidden history\u201d excited for all of the other high-tech inventions that may have been lost to history over the past few thousand years.<\/p>\n Recorded music turned a completely ephemeral experience into something that could be transported and listened to again and again. Music recorded on cylinders may have been the first, but the gramophone brought recorded music to the masses<\/a>. And we\u2019re all better for it. Usually<\/a>.<\/p>\n HDTV may not be the most important technological development in the past few thousand years, but it certainly wins awards for being one of the most watched devices of all time. Next to our phones and computers, HDTV is something that we literally spend over five hours staring at every single day<\/a>. For many of us, it\u2019s probably both our longest and most precious relationship. Aside from our phones, of course.<\/p>\n Oh hell yeah. Hellll yeah. Fire, motherfuckers. Though it\u2019s a little strange that lighters were invented before matches<\/a>.<\/p>\n First invented around 4000 BC, but not fully embraced until around the year 14 AD<\/a>, Romans used the waterwheel for irrigation, pumping water, and in so doing dramatically altered the landscape around them.<\/p>\n Indoor air conditioning obviously made living in hot climates more comfortable. But with comfort comes a change in where humans feel like they can live. Just look at the American southwest. The Sun Belt of the early 20th century was sparsely populated. But air conditioning, as The Atlantic<\/a> has explained, caused a rapid population boom in places like Arizona. So depending on how you feel about Arizona you can determine whether the invention of air conditioning was a good thing.<\/p>\n Sanitary napkins date to at least the fourth century, but many of the best innovations for menstrual protection have come since the dawn of the industrial revolution. Feminine hygiene products are still often overlooked when it comes to serving the needs of low income people<\/a> and those in disaster areas, but that\u2019s only because we live in a very backwards and broken society that should be destroyed.<\/p>\n Some people drink raw milk. And while I don\u2019t believe that raw milk should be illegal, I think that every bottle of raw milk should be mandated to have a picture of Louis Pasteur and the word, \u201cReally, idiot? Really?\u201d<\/p>\n We take the elevator for granted, but modern skyscrapers wouldn\u2019t be possible without them. Have you ever tried to walk up a dozen flights of stairs or more? It\u2019s not fun, if movies have taught me anything<\/a>. And it\u2019s easy for some people to forget just how revolutionary the elevator was for accessibility. Elevators are so crucial to mobility for certain people that they even have their own section in the 1990 Americans With Disabilities Act<\/a>.<\/p>\n We told you this list wasn\u2019t going to be all sunshine and sleek, shiny objects. <\/p>\n Modern cement was patented in 1824, and has helped define our modern age, but this incredibly useful mixture of stone and sand has been around for thousands of years in one form or another. The story of concrete is a great lesson in how sometimes the things that most change our environment are simple improvements on technologies that have been around for many generations<\/a>, if not even thousands of years.<\/p>\n When Americans landed on the moon, it was seen as the greatest achievement in space travel ever. And with good reason. But the Space Shuttle program was arguably even more important. How important? Despite the fact that the Shuttle program has died, we probably won\u2019t know just how world-changing it was for another few decades.<\/p>\n The Space Shuttle program was unique in that it allowed astronauts to blast off into space and then return in the same ship. But what many people don\u2019t know is that Space Shuttle missions included classified missions and classified payloads. That\u2019s right, America\u2019s spies were using the Space Shuttle to launch all kinds of things into space<\/a>.<\/p>\n Maybe give the shuttle program a little more credit than it\u2019s gotten for changing the world. Especially now that people seem to have completely forgotten it when they\u2019re talking about all the exciting innovations in reusable rockets today<\/a>.<\/p>\n Much like 16mm, 8mm film cameras changed the world, putting home movies into the hands of millions. And while we eventually developed more user-friendly mediums, 8mm was no less revolutionary for bringing films into our homes.<\/p>\n Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin in the 1790s and helped change the course of American history. It helped turn cotton into America\u2019s largest export until the Civil War and the abolition of slavery got in the way. But oddly enough, America\u2019s destruction of chattel slavery led to the rise of slavery in other parts of the world<\/a> who wanted a piece of the lucrative cotton market, driven by Britain\u2019s seemingly insatiable need for the product.<\/p>\n The U.S. military didn\u2019t invent night vision capabilities. But they sure as hell improved upon it and utilized it like no one else.<\/p>\n99. Screw<\/h3>\n
98. Video camera<\/h3>\n
97. Scalpel<\/h3>\n
96. Flashlight<\/h3>\n
95. VCR<\/h3>\n
94. Electric guitar<\/h3>\n
93. Zippo lighter<\/h3>\n
92. Microphone<\/strong><\/h3>\n
91. Escalator<\/h3>\n
90. Walkie Talkies<\/h3>\n
89. Whiskey still<\/h3>\n
88. The automatic dishwasher<\/h3>\n
87. CRISPR<\/strong><\/h3>\n
86. Electric chair
<\/h3>\n85. Anesthesia<\/h3>\n
84. MP3<\/h3>\n
83. Contact lenses<\/h3>\n
82. DVD player<\/h3>\n
81. Home microwave<\/h3>\n
80. Corn<\/h3>\n
79. Mobile phone<\/strong><\/h3>\n
78. Mechanical computer<\/h3>\n
77. Gramophone
<\/h3>\n76. HDTV<\/h3>\n
75. Pocket matches<\/h3>\n
74. Waterwheel<\/h3>\n
73. Air conditioning<\/h3>\n
72. Sanitary napkins<\/h3>\n
71. Pasteurization<\/h3>\n
70. Elevator<\/h3>\n
69. Noose<\/strong><\/h3>\n
68. Concrete<\/h3>\n
67. Space Shuttle<\/h3>\n
66. Super 8mm film camera<\/strong><\/h3>\n
65. Cotton gin<\/h3>\n
64. Night vision goggles<\/h3>\n